I never really realized how big of a role eating food plays in my life until I began this fast. I may be tiny, but I eat ALOT. Usually, right when I get home after going anywhere, the first place I go to is the fridge, or to the microwave, or to the stove. After I got my food, I would spend at least a half hour to maybe even an hour eating and refilling. Now, its so different. It’s like I have nothing to do anymore. Now, as soon as I arrive home, I grab another bottle of Gatorade and go upstairs into the computer room and hide away as food gets cooked or warmed up in the kitchen. These past weeks, the computer room has basically turned into my bunker, and I end up having extra time that I dont want. I’m so used to taking my time and eating my food, that it kind of feels like I have nothing else to do in life.
Again, I’d like to say that I’m so lucky to be worrying about having extra time from not eating. The people I fast for, my own Thamil people who are suffering back there, are not only consumed with the thoughts of what to fill their bellies with for each meal, what to drink to quench their thirst due to the hot, humid, tropical climate, but also, how do they survive the next round of bombs being fired at them from the sri lankan army. They worry about how to protect their children, how to survive the next hour, how to stay strong when they are constantly humiliated by the government’s “valiant soldiers,” who rape Thamil women. They may even think about how to leave the concentration camps known better as “safe zones” or no-fire zones, where the government repeatedly attacks poor, defenseless Thamil civilians. I’m lucky enough to only have to worry about “what are my plans for the upcoming week,” while my people back there are trapped thinking “how do I survive the upcoming week.” I never thought I would appreciate even a grain of rice as much as I do now. I cant wait to start eating again, but I know that it’s even worse for our people back home, who are struggling to survive these conditions, who are a lot more weaker, and skinnier physically than I am, which is what fuels me to go forward. Everyone who has expressed their support at some point during this strike, and The media coverage and reporters, bloggers, and interviewers who have brought attention to our cause are greatly appreciated by me, as well as all of the members of our group. I hope that this nation will get more involved in assisting our people with humanitarian aid into the affected regions, instead of fueling the genocidal government’s more oppressive measures against Thamils.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted a cold, or anything that involves a stuffy nose, as much as I do now. So today’s the first day of the fast. To be honest, today wasn’t that bad. Yeah there were instances where my stomach hurt soo bad that i just needed it sit down and sit still for a bit, but overall, today wasn’t that bad. Unfortunately, I hate to break this to myself, but today’s only the first day.
The biggest killer about today wasn’t even the not eating part, but it was smelling food. Yeah, smelling food, any kind of food, was like someone picked you up and drop kicked you, it hurt. Especially knowing that it was there, and that you couldn’t have any of it. I also don’t think I’ve ever really noticed the different aromas of food as much as I did today.

This is my first fast ever, and I usually eat a ton of food everyday, so I’m well aware that it’s going to be difficult. A lot of people, including my mom for some time as well, have said no, why are you doing something like this, it’s bad for you, etc… Here’s what I think, well first off, why are we doing this? Because people are suffering in “shelters” with no food or water or any of the basic necessities. No humanitarian aid is delivered to these “shelters” and people are not allowed to leave these places. There are no options for them, they can only die. If that isn’t bad enough, these sri lankan government claimed “safe zones” are being bombarded with cluster bombs and many other types of bombs. This situation is sickening, and although I was born in the US, my roots are from there, and I am very proud to be of the Tamil heritage. Those are my people suffering back there, and I believe that if I truly consider myself Tamil, then it’s my job, my duty to do anything I can for my people. Here’s the response I give, there’s small children, babies, all struggling without any food or water, and their bodies are much much smaller than mine, and they are going through these miserable conditions. I am doing this for the sake of them, to try to raise awareness and make people do something to try to save them. If everyone shows at least half the concern that they do about me and our group fasting, because we can at least drink water and have a vitamin and some gatorade, and it’s a lot hotter over there, then I believe that their situation would improve a great deal more than how it is now.

I hear Tamil people talk about Tamil culture all the time. They bring their children to cultural events, wear the traditional clothes, speak the language, eat the food, and of course, go to Toronto at least once a year to be with the Tamil community over there. I think that is a great thought, I love being Tamil, I think that being Tamil makes up a huge part of me, I love the culture, everything about it, but what I notice around here is that when it comes to Tamil parties and Tamil cultural events, there is a much higher percentage of people who show up than when there is a memorial service, human rights meeting… I don’t like to call out others, but it would be nice for people to understand that if our people are gone, and our country has disappeared, then there won’t be a Tamil culture to go to, there is no homeland anymore, and we all have to take action immediately to save our country, our people, our language, our identity.

For now, I’ve found a solution, there’s noodles and everything cooking downstairs, and I can smell it so strongly from up here, so I’ve decided I’m going to walk around the place with a clothespin over my nose. I really wish I had a cold right now.